


Goodbye Should Mean Goodbye (The First Time)

by queen_of_hells_bells



Series: The Five-Step Guide [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (i mean of himself but isn't that a nice change), Alternate Universe - Modern, Angst, M/M, No happiness here, Post-breakup, Protective Dean Winchester, apparently, apparently i cannot write fluff, fuck Cas, letter format, lol nah i have no pity for that sad sack, only angst in this household, real sad, sad bruh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 14:32:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8493547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_hells_bells/pseuds/queen_of_hells_bells
Summary: Four letters Dean tried to write, and one he actually did.(That counts as four things, right???)(ALSO this is part of a HEAVY HEAVY series. DO NOT READ AS A STANDALONE.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MirkatManor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirkatManor/gifts).



Dear Cas,

            I’m sorry; I want you to know that. I know I promised you that I’d try at this whole relationship thing, and here I am running away again and

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dear Cas—

            I hope you didn’t panic when you found out

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hey Cas—

            Just thought I’d drop you a line before I left town. I’m headed to Virginia, never been there, thought I’d go on some ghost tours, maybe see DC, try some of the Founding Fathers beer I’ve heard so much about. Who knows?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cas—

            I know it looks like I’m running away but

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Castiel.

            Before I say anything else, I’m not sorry. I’m sure you panicked when you saw the for-sale sign, but I really don’t care. You don’t get to panic because I didn’t tell you I was going way. Just like I didn’t get to have an opinion either time you broke my heart. Contrary to my behavior these past few moths, I’m not a moron, and I know how to take care of myself. So I talked to Bobby and arranged myself a sabbatical. My house is just a little clunky, so when I get back I’ll be looking for something a little smaller.

            I was going to leave without saying anything to you, they all told me that you didn’t deserve anything, and they were right, but once I’d officially decided to go, I felt like you needed to know why. It’s because of you, Castiel. It’s always because of you. I love you, I love you more than I can even say, but I’m done letting you dictate my life. You left me when I was most vulnerable, making it seem like it was my fault. For three years I never let go of you, not for one second, and it took a lot more restraint to not immediately welcome you back into my life than you seem to think.

            But even when I had you I couldn’t do it right; I kept feeling like I had to change to fit what you wanted, and you never saw how it affected me, never cared. I tried so hard to be what you wanted, but I think I get it now: I never will be. The only thing that makes this at all bearable is that I wasn’t the only problem—you hate yourself, and until you come to terms with yourself and your past, or until you change, there’s no hope of any relationship ever working out, especially not this one. Not that there’s much of a chance of that anyway.

            I’ll be gone a while. Don’t call: Benny has my phone, and who knows what he and Jo will do to you.

Be Safe,

Dean

**Author's Note:**

> First things first at least it's been less than a year, right? (no, i know, sorry i'm the worst)
> 
> Secondly, sorry I can only write angst but hey someones gotta do it, right?
> 
> Thirdly, for the first time ever I'm honestly not sure these two are gonna have a happy ending :'(
> 
> Fourthly, keep in mind that if you're reading this and you've put up with all my bullshit, I love you more than you can possibly know, and I'm also sorrier than you can possibly know <3 <3 <3


End file.
